LESSON 1
Body Language Tactics for the Week:
The Tap and Tilt: Use the tap and tilt when you believe someone may be feeling overwhelmed and you Subscribe to learn more. . .
Barrier Removal: When you want to encourage cooperation and collaboration between yourself and others Subscribe to learn more. . .
Danger and Power Phrases for the Week:
Danger Phrase: “You make me . . . /That makes me . . . ”
Danger Phrase: “If you really . . . ” Power Phrase: “I realize you . . . ”
Danger Phrase: “I need . . . “ Place the real subject first to empower your message.
Danger Phrase: “You should . . . “ Power Phrase: “I suggest . . . “
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Dealing with Difficult People Tactics for the Week:
Compliment the Crazy: When someone is emotionally out of control, compliment them on the behavior you’d like them to exhibit. Subscribe to learn more. . .
Say, “You’re right!”: Use this when you’re dealing with someone who wants to be validated Subscribe to learn more. . .
Communication Principle of the Week:
It’s all about me.
HOW TO IMPLEMENT THIS PRINCIPLE: We all have behaved badly, or communicated inappropriately. Often, when we reflect on our behavior or communication, Subscribe to learn more. . .
LESSON 2
Body Language Tactics for the Week:
Prepare with Paper: Use the Prepare with Paper when you are in an interview or a meeting with other professionals on or above your professional Subscribe to learn more. . .
Those Lying Eyes: Use this tactic when asking someone a specific question that requires memory, Subscribe to learn more. . .
Danger and Power Phrases for the Week:
Danger Phrase: Generalizations, such as “You always . . .” or “You never . . .”
Danger Phrase: Hostile Questions such as “Why would you . . .” or “What were you thinking when . . .”
Danger Phrase: Really or Very
Danger Phrase: “My name is . . .” Power Phrase: “I’m . . .” or “This is . . .”
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Introduction to Free-Style Scripting:
Lead-In Lines: Use these at the beginning of “tricky” conversations Subscribe to learn more. . .
Closing Lines: Use them when you’ve finished delivering a powerful message, and you want to end with a bang. Subscribe to learn more. . .
Communication Principle of the Week:
If you don’t decide why you’re here, someone else will decide it for you.
HOW TO IMPLEMENT THIS PRINCIPLE: This week, we’re working on the second part of our personal compass, which is our “I’m here to . . .” statements. Subscribe to learn more. . .
LESSON 3
Visual and Vocal Tactics for the Week:
Sidle Up to Men: When communicating in person with a man, and you want to open the lines of communication, sidle up to a man. Subscribe to learn more…
Find Your Power Tone: When you need to deliver a verbal message, and want to appear as powerful and confident as possible, stop and find your power tone before you speak. Subscribe to learn more. . .
Danger and Power Phrases for the Week:
Danger Phrase: “You said…” Power Phrase: “I heard…”
Danger Phrase: “Don’t take this the wrong way . . .” Power Phrase: NOTHING
Danger Phrase: “Better idea / solution.” Power Phrase: State WHY the idea is better.
Danger Phrase: “I disagree.” Power Phrase: “I see it differently. / I see it another way.”
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Dealing with Difficult People Tactics for the Week:
Surrender: When you do not agree with someone’s proposed course of action, and you want to voice
your concern, but also be seen as fair and flexible Subscribe to learn more. . .
Saying No: When you’re dealing with someone who’s “pushy” or “won’t take no for an answer,” Subscribe to learn more. . .
Communication Principle of the Week:
Decide what you want, and be OK with being off-track.
HOW TO IMPLEMENT THIS PRINCIPLE: This week we will be completing step 3 of creating a personal compass. Step three is deciding what you want, and creating “I want” statements.
Remember that airplanes are off track 99% of the time Subscribe to learn more. . .
LESSON 4
Body Language Tactics for the Week:
The Power Projector: Use this strategy when you want to project an image of power and confidence. Subscribe to learn more. . .
The Look-Away: When you want to be seen as trustworthy, assertive, and attentive, and want the person to whom you’re speaking to “like” you, Subscribe to learn more. . .
Danger and Power Phrases for the Week:
For Home:
Danger Phrase: “You’re a _____er.” Power Phrase: “You _____ed.”
Danger Phrase: “Love you.” Power Phrase: “I love you.”
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For Work:
Danger Phrase: “idea” Power Phrase: “solution / answer / proposal”
Danger Phrase: “constructive criticism” Power Phrase: “feedback”
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Dealing with Difficult People Tactics for the Week:
The Anti-Interrupter: Use this strategy when someone tries to interrupt you or steal the floor from you. This should only be used with those over whom you want to show power or dominance. Subscribe to learn more. . .
The Anti-Office-Bully: When the bully starts communicating in an aggressive or disrespectful manner, try this strategy. Subscribe to learn more. . .
Communication Principle of the Week:
We train people how to treat us.
HOW TO IMPLEMENT THIS PRINCIPLE: Remember that it’s all about you. You are the one who trains the entire world how to treat you. How are you training the world? Subscribe to learn more. . .
LESSON 5
Body Language Tactics for the Week:
The Neck Scratch: Look for this when you!re communicating with someone and explaining something to them. Subscribe to learn more. . .
The Steeple: Use this when you want to project an image of power and confidence. To do this, when sitting across from Subscribe to learn more. . .
Danger and Power Phrases for the Week:
For Home:
Danger Phrase: “Calm down.” Power Phrase: “I understand . . .” or “I can see . . .”
Danger Phrase: “I promise I won!t get mad.” Power Phrase: “Help me understand rather than just get upset.”
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For Work:
Danger Phrase: “Does that make sense?” Power Phrase: “What have I left unclear?”
Danger Phrase: “problem”
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Professional Phone Etiquette Strategies for the Week:
The P-H-O-N-E: When answering the phone in any professional environment, always hit on 5 specific points: Subscribe to learn more. . .
The Diplomatic Decline: When you need to say “no” to to a client or customer, and want to state it as delicately as possible, in an engaged, empathetic tone, simply go through the 4 S’s: Subscribe to learn more. . .
Communication Principle of the Week:
It is only what I am not giving that could possibly be missing from any relationship.
HOW TO IMPLEMENT THIS PRINCIPLE: We often find ourselves saying things such as, “I wish so-and-so would treat me with more respect.” Or, “I wish so-and-so would be more sensitive and understanding.”
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LESSON 6
Public Speaking Strategies for the Week:
The Opening Line: When delivering a speech, presentation, or training, the first line out of your mouth should have as much power and emotion Subscribe to learn more. . .
The Closing Line: When preparing for a presentation, find a way to weave emotion or deep thought into the ending, and then Subscribe to learn more. . .
The Index Cards: When preparing for a speech, training, or presentation, instead of printing out the presentation word-for-word, Subscribe to learn more. . .
Danger and Power Phrases for the Week:
For Home:
Danger Phrase: “I don!t want to talk about . . .”
Danger Phrase: “Why didn’t you tell me?”
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For Work:
Danger Phrase: “In my opinion . . .”
Danger Phrase: “Our policy”
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Free-Style Scripting Strategy for the Week:
The A-E-I-O-U: Use a script such as the A-E-I-O-U when you have to deliver a difficult message in which you are attempting to correct undesirable behavior. Subscribe to learn more. . .
Communication Principle of the Week:
There is only ONE relationship.
HOW TO IMPLEMENT THIS PRINCIPLE: We tend to think of the different relationships we have with people as all separate relationships, when they really aren’t.
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LESSON 7
Understanding Personality Types Strategy for the Week:
The 4 Basic Types: There are many different personality-type systems available, but they all come
down to basically the same thing: There are 4 core personality types–Expressives, Amiables, Drivers, and Analyticals. Subscribe to learn more. . .
Style-Stepping: When communicating with different personality types, keep their type in mind and try to speak their language, Subscribe to learn more. . .
Self-Assessment of Social Styles Questionnaire: Discover your own social style. Subscribe to learn more. . .
Communication Principle of the Week:
I am in charge of every relationship in my life.
HOW TO IMPLEMENT THIS PRINCIPLE: When we are struggling with a relationship, we sometimes have the tendency to blame it on the other person as if they are responsible for the breakdown in the relationship.
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LESSON 8
Professional Communication Strategies
Coping Statements: When you feel your emotions are beginning to get out of control and you want to keep your cool, coping statements help you regain control. Subscribe to learn more. . .
Remembering Names: When you meet someone for the fist time, use both visual and vocal cues. Subscribe to learn more. . .
Danger/Power Phrases for the Week:
For Home:
Power Phrase: “You should be proud of yourself.”
Danger Phrase: “It’s OK.”
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For Work:
Danger Phrase: “So that it . . .”
Danger Phrase: “It would . . .” Power Phrase:
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Difficult People Strategy for the Week:
The Time Sucker: We must remember that if we don’t manage our time, someone else will manage it for us, and in this case, that person is the time sucker. Subscribe to learn more. . .
Communication Principle of the Week:
When we focus on substance, form takes shape naturally.
HOW TO IMPLEMENT THIS PRINCIPLE: In these lessons, I frequently focus on words. When communicating, words are the form. The substance is the message we are trying to send. The substance is most affected by who we are as people. Subscribe to learn more. . .
LESSON 9
Professional Communication Strategies for the Week:
Benefit Statements: When you are trying to persuade someone to go along with your way of thinking–whether you’re trying to sell a product or service, or simply sell someone on your idea–remember Subscribe to learn more. . .
Public Speaking Script: AKA—The “AsWeAllKnowWe’veAllI’veSoLet’sAll”: When you are called to speak in public to give a short speech or toast, this simple, powerful script helps you do it with tact and finesse while hitting all the main points a speaker should be hitting during toasts or short speeches. Simply fill in the blanks after the following five simple lead-in lines:
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Danger Phrases and Power Phrases for the Week:
For Home:
Power Phrase: “I don’t have anything to add to that.”
Danger Phrase: “Why do these things happen to me?”
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For Work:
Danger Phrase: “Don’t forget. . .”
Power Phrase: “Remember. . .”
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Persuasive Body Language Strategies for the Week:
Hands Clasped Behind the Back: When you want to project the ultimate in self-confidence, put your hands behind your back while you’re speaking, and if you can, hold the fingers of one hand with the other hand. Subscribe to learn more. . .
Hands Exposed, Fingers Extended:
Hands Parallel, Fingers Open:
Curled Fingers:
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Communication Principle of the Week:
Every person you meet this week is your assignment.
HOW TO IMPLEMENT THIS PRINCIPLE: We often miss opportunities to develop our communication skills or practice what we are learning because we do not see the lessons that are waiting right in front of us.
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LESSON 10
Reading Body Language Strategies for the Week:
The Hand Scratch: This indicates the person is lying. Capillaries expand because of changes in
blood flow and this often causes Subscribe to learn more. . .
Wringing the Hands: This indicates the person is anxious. When we feel anxious or distressed, we instinctively try to “self-soothe.” Rubbing the hands is a form a self-soothing. If you’ve ever been to a hospital waiting room Subscribe to learn more. . .
Rubbing for Warmth: This indicates the person is anxious. A rapid drop in body temperature
frequently accompanies sudden anxiety onset Subscribe to learn more. . .
So what to do when you Feel Uncomfortable? Subscribe to learn more. . .
Danger and Power Phrases for the Week:
At Home:
Danger Phrase: “I don’t appreciate. . . .”
Danger Phrase: “Whatever. . . .” This is a particularly bad one!
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At Work:
Danger Phrase: “Good job.”
Danger Phrase: “I lied.”
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Dealing with Difficult People Strategies for the Week:
The 3 Basic Principles:
Don’t take the bait.
What gets rewarded gets repeated.
Use the Broken Record.
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Communication Principle of the Week:
Your safety lives where you do not defend.
HOW TO IMPLEMENT THIS PRINCIPLE: We only feel the need to defend that which we believe is vulnerable. Therefore, if we get defensive, it’s because we believe something that’s vulnerable is being threatened. The truth of the matter is. . . .
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LESSON 11
Professional Communication Skills for the Week:
Blacklight Questions: What they are: Questions that uncover false objections. These are used when someone objects to something you are saying, proposing, or selling, Subscribe to learn more. . .
The Interrogator: What it is: A strategic approach to gathering information. Whenever you find yourself needing to gather information–whether at home or at work–use the following pattern, Subscribe to learn more. . .
Tag Questions: What they are: Questions used to get people into the habit of saying “yes” to you, therefore creating a “yes” momentum. Subscribe to learn more. . .
Danger and Power Phrases for the Week–At Home:
Danger Phrase: “Very unique” (Kind of like being very pregnant)
Danger Phrase: “Honestly”
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Danger and Power Phrases for the Week–At Work:
Danger Phrase: “That’s not my job.”
Danger Phrase: “I’ll try. . .”
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Dealing with Difficult People Strategies for the Week:
The Cry Baby: When dealing with a Cry Baby, use this simple 3-step process to avoid “taking the bait” and engaging with him or her. Remember, we are NOT talking about someone who has suffered a trauma or Subscribe to learn more. . .
Communication Principle of the Week:
Don’t let facts get in the way of the truth.
HOW TO IMPLEMENT THIS PRINCIPLE: Seek the truth and don’t be distracted by “facts.” We let facts distract us from truth every day. Facts disturb us, truth brings us peace.
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LESSON 12
Professional Communication Skills for the Week:
Opening and Closing Lines: What they are: These are standard greetings you use when saying Hello or Goodbye to customers in person. Every professional needs standard greeting and closing lines. Although these can be unique to you, Subscribe to learn more. . .
Saying No: Every professional needs a system for saying No. The standard system that can help you deliver a No with tact and finesse is this simple 4-step strategy– The 4 S’s Subscribe to learn more. . .
Danger and Power Phrases for the Week–At Home and At Work:
Danger Phrase: “Like”
Danger Phrase: “With all due respect. . .”
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Dealing with Difficult People Strategies for the Week:
An Introduction to the Enneagram:
You’ve already learned about the 4 basic personality types, or social styles. The Enneagram is a unique
personality system that helps us identify the compulsion that drives us and other people. If you know what’s driving someone’s behavior, you can more effectively deal with that person and overcome any roadblocks that may appear in your relationship. This week, I’d like to introduce you to the 9 “types” which can also be referred to as “compulsions” or “social styles” or even “working types.” Every number has a core statement. (There is an online test you can take to determine your number.) Subscribe to learn more. . .
Communication Principle of the Week:
Everything I say and do is a testament to who I believe I am.
HOW TO IMPLEMENT THIS PRINCIPLE: Remember there is a sliver in time between event and response. During this sliver in time, we can reflect on the person we are, which we have articulated in our personal compass.
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LESSON 13
Professional Communication Strategies for the Week:
Hemisphere Synchronization: When to do this: When you want to exercise your brain, and create new connections to help both hemispheres work together more successfully. Subscribe to learn more. . .
Hemisphere Stimulation: When to do this: When you feel emotions rising, and you don’t
want them to get the best of you, or when Subscribe to learn more. . .
The 3-Step Disengaging Process: When to do this: When you are having trouble getting your
emotions under control, and you need some time to collect your thoughts. Subscribe to learn more. . .
Danger/Power Phrases for the Week–At Home and At Work:
“I’m not mad.”
“I have to talk to you about (name)”
“Didn’t you read my email?”
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Dealing with Difficult Situations Strategies for the Week:
The Pre-emptive Strike: What it is: A phrase you use before you deliver news that
you know will upset the person to whom you’re delivering the news. Subscribe to learn more. . .
The Covert Bonding Technique: What it is: A process you can use to bond with someone
so you can gain trust and open the lines of communication. Subscribe to learn more. . .
Communication Principle of the Week:
We are all doing the best we can with the skill-set we have.
HOW TO IMPLEMENT THIS PRINCIPLE: When you start thinking to yourself–about the person
to whom you are speaking– “What’s wrong with you? How can you say that/do that/behave that way?” Subscribe to learn more. . .
LESSON 14
Professional Persuasion Strategies for the Week:
The Power Persuader: Argue against your own proposal; provide specific numbers, cite an expert other than yourself, don’t be too perfect. Subscribe to learn more. . .
Danger/Power Phrases for the Week– At Home:
Danger Phrase: “It is what it is.”
Danger Phrase: “I hate people who. . .”
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Power Phrases for the Week– At Work:
Danger Phrase: “Is there anything. . .”
Danger Phrase: “I don’t know.”
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Difficult People Strategy for the Week:
The Back-Stabber Beat-Down: What it is: A strategy used when you need to confront someone
who is back-stabbing–or gossiping about–you. The point is not to “call them out” or “catch them. Subscribe to learn more. . .
Communication Principle of the Week:
If I think the same way I thought yesterday,
I’ll have the same experience as I had yesterday.
HOW TO IMPLEMENT THIS PRINCIPLE: We all have thought-patterns what we are accustomed to, just as we have verbal patterns that we are accustomed to. It is difficult to change our verbal (or behavioral) patterns, and it is even more difficult to change our thought patterns.
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LESSON 15
Active Listening Strategies for the Week:
The L-O-N-E Listener: What it is: A strategy to help you project the image of an engaged, active listener.
How to implement it: Follow this simple 4-step process: Subscribe to learn more. . .
Key-Word Recognition and Feedback: What it is: An additional strategy to help you project the
image of an engaged, active listener. How to implement it: Follow this simple 2-step process: Subscribe to learn more. . .
Danger and Power Phrases for the Week–At Home:
Danger Phrase: “I’m so jealous.”
Danger Phrase: “No no no no”
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Danger and Power Phrases for the Week–At Work:
Danger Phrase: “Would you mind holding for a moment?”
Danger Phrase: Regards or Kind Regards (in emails or letters)
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Body Language Strategies for the Week:
The Nose Knows or The Nose Pull: What it is: When people touch, pull, or rub their noses while they’re talking to you. Why we do it: When we are not being truthful, the capillaries in our noses expand because
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The Nostril Display: What it is: The position of the nose–or whether or not you see the person’s nostrils–can tell you how they feel about you. Why we do it: We will instinctively tilt our chins up when Subscribe to learn more. . .
Communication Principle of the Week:
How could I possibly know what’s in my best interests?
HOW TO IMPLEMENT THIS PRINCIPLE: Adding to last week’s principle of the week–when we’re faced with a new way of thinking, our ego naturally gets scared, and can resist new thought patterns. We often think to ourselves, “But how can I be sure that I’m doing what’s right for me?” The bottom line is–we can’t, because we have nothing to use as a reference. Many times, we’re so busy telling life what it means, we forget that life is here to tell us what it means. Subscribe to learn more. . .
LESSON 16
Professional Communication Strategies for the Week:
“Responds Well to Feedback” When to do this: When someone gives you negative feedback, or criticizes your work-specifically your boss. How to do this: When you need approval for your work, and you receive criticism or negative feedback, follow this three-step process: Subscribe to learn more. . .
The Feel-Felt-Found: When to do this: When you are responding to an objection, need to buy some time to think of a response, or are being persuasive. How to do this: Use some variation of the following three-step verbal pattern: Subscribe to learn more. . .
Danger/Power Phrases for the Week–At Home:
Danger Phrase: “Hone in on. . .”
Danger Phrase: “Literally”
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Danger/Power Phrases for the Week–At Work:
Danger Phrase: “unfair”
Danger Phrase: “I think. . .”
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Dealing With Difficult People Strategy for the Week:
The Dog Clicker: When to use this: When dealing with negativity or toxic attitudes, either at work or at home. CAUTION: You want to get permission–or warn people–before you start using
this at work. How to use this: Subscribe to learn more. . .
Communication Principle of the Week:
Let life tell you what it means.
HOW TO IMPLEMENT THIS PRINCIPLE: We often find ourselves “projecting” meaning onto life, people, and situations. We think–and even say–”Well, XYZ happens, so that means . . .” or “She/he said XYZ, so obviously . . .” We spend so much time telling life, people, and situations what
they mean, we sometimes are unable to receive the real message. . .
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LESSON 17
Social Styles Strategy for the Week:
The 5 Love Languages: What it is: According to the research done by Dr. Gary Chapman, author of The 5 Love Languages, each of us has a unique language we identify with when giving or receiving love. In the workplace, this would be the language we identify with when giving or receiving appreciation.
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Danger and Power Phrases for the Week–At Home:
Danger Phrase: There is no corresponding danger phrase to the Power Phrase: “I’m not comfortable with that.”
Danger Phrase: There is no corresponding Danger Phrase to the Power Phrase: “I understand you don’t feel this way, but I do.” This is a powerful phrase for politely disagreeing, while acknowledging the feelings of the other.
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Danger and Power Phrases for the Week–At Work:
Danger Phrase: “I’ll try. . .”
Danger Phrase: “You guys. . .”
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Navigational Communication Strategy for the Week:
The Do-Over: What it is: Use this strategy when you find that your communication with someone has broken down, or escalated to the point that nothing constructive is occurring. Subscribe to learn more. . .
Communication Principle of the Week:
The opposite of weakness is love.
HOW TO IMPLEMENT THIS PRINCIPLE: Sometimes when dealing with difficult people and situations, we worry about appearing weak, and since we assume the opposite of weak is strong, we then try to project a strong, sometimes aggressive image, so we can avoid appearing weak.
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LESSON 18
Visual Communication Strategy for the Week:
Master the Meeting–What it is: Mastering the meeting means using specific visual communication signals when you are in an interview or a meeting in which you want to project an image of confidence, power, and that “you belong.” What to do: 1. Choose your position. Chose a “power position.” If there are many people sitting around a table, sit as close to the right as you can Subscribe to learn more. . .
Danger and Power Phrases for the Week–At Home:
Danger Phrase: “I have a problem.”
Danger Phrase: “That doesn’t make sense.”
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Danger and Power Phrases for the Week–At Work:
Danger Phrase: “I’m just saying. . . .”
Danger Phrase: “I can’t deal with. . . .”
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Navigational Communication Strategy for the Week:
The Walk with Me: What it is: A strategy used to deflect the “Time Sucker.” How to use it: When someone asks, “Do you have a minute?” and you know that it’s going to be more than a minute, and probably a waste of your time, simply say, Subscribe to learn more. . .
Bonus–The 5 Love Languages for use at Home– Subscribe to learn more. . .
Communication Principle of the Week:
Our job is to learn lessons, not to teach them.
HOW TO IMPLEMENT THIS PRINCIPLE: We sometimes find ourselves in situations where we say, “I’m going to teach them a lesson.” You know what I mean? I think you do. When we come from a place of lovelessness, and our intention is not to create, or share, or transfer the abundance of love–which is our natural state–what happens is
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LESSON 19
Strategic Question for the Week:
The behavior Predictor: Theory: The most accurate indicator of future behavior is past behavior. Strategy: When asking a question to determine possible reactions or behavior to a given situation, ask about a past situation the person dealt with, how he/she dealt with it, and what the outcome was. Subscribe to learn more. . .
Danger and Power Phrases for the Week–At Home:
Danger Phrase: “Are you married?”
Danger Phrase: None– Use Power Phrase: “I really appreciate you and the way you. . .”
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Danger and Power Phrases for the Week–At Work:
Danger Phrase: “You have to. . . .”
Danger Phrase: “Give me. . . .”
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Effective Persuasion Strategy for the Week:
Pick a number–Yes, that number–What it is: A strategy used to increase the odds that people will say yes to, or accept, or buy whatever it is you’re presenting.
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Communication Principle of the Week:
You can’t cast out darkness with more darkness.
HOW TO IMPLEMENT THIS PRINCIPLE: When we are confronted with negativity or negative behavior, our instinct is generally to react with more negativity. For example, if someone calls us a name, or attacks us, or does wrong by us, frequently we want to strike back, punish, or “show them.”
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LESSON 20
Body Language Strategy for the Week:
Step up to Bullies: What it is: Basic human behavior you can exhibit to show your own strength when someone is “testing you” or trying to show dominance. How to do it: Uncross your arms, chest out, chin up, face them, make direct eye contact, and either move forward or lean forward as you respond.
NB: This is not intended for “schoolyard” bullies or people exhibiting violent behavior.
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The Open-Ended Question Power-Pose: What it is: The correct body language/posture to exhibit when asking an open-ended question to which you want a detailed response. Remember that questions are asked with the whole body. How to do it: Follow this simple 4-step process: Subscribe to learn more. . .
Danger and Power Phrases for the Week–At Home:
Power Phrase: “I really enjoy spending time with you.”
Danger Phrase: “They. . . .” Purge this from your customer service repertoire and be more precise. Who’s “they”? Is it your manager, your company
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Navigational Communication Strategy for the Week:
The following guidelines will help in the composition of business emails.
1. The Subject Line: Write a descriptive subject line. Write this: “New Parking Lot Rules” Not that: “Important!” The subject line is designed to tell the reader what the topic of the email is.
. . .
9. The Call for Action: If you are asking the recipient to do something, place that at the end, even if it’s repeating something already written in the letter. Example– “Please adhere to these new rules so we can all enjoy safe parking at all times of the day and night.”
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Communication Principle of the Week:
You are the problem–and you are the solution.
HOW TO IMPLEMENT THIS PRINCIPLE: Though it may seem simplistic, and maybe even a little trite, the idea that our problems are of our own making is fundamental to our communication development. As we previously discussed, we are in charge of our own relationships, and we are not giving whatever appears to be missing.
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LESSON 21
Personal/Professional Image Strategy for the Week:
Label-Planting: What it is: A strategy used to effectively “plant” the image you’d like to project directly in your customer’s brain. What to Do: Choose 5 words that you’d like your customers, your boss, your colleagues, or your “target” group to identify with you. Infuse these words into as much day-to-day communication as you can.
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Danger and Power Phrases for the Week–At Work:
Danger Phrase: “Let me see what I can do.”
Danger Phrase: “I’m sorry if. . . .”
Bonus Power Phrases For Work: “For quick reference” (especially useful when you’re asking information the client may have been asked before, by others–before he/she got to you– When you say “for quick reference” you are giving the client a benefit–namely speed.) “Yes, I can help you with that.” And many many more–
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Dealing with Difficult Customers Strategy for the Week:
The V-R-R: What it is: A strategy used when a customer is upset and we want to calm the customer down, re-establish trust, and steer the relationship back on track. How to use it: After allowing the customer to vent, and listening to both emotion and facts, use this three-step process to re-direct the relationship:
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Communication Principle of the Week:
Just because you’re not for something doesn’t mean you have to be against it.
HOW TO IMPLEMENT THIS PRINCIPLE: We all know people who spend time campaigning against something. This happens a great deal on-line these days, but we also hear it in our every day conversations both at home and at work. People often feel the need to take a stance against things.
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LESSON 22
Personal/Professional Image Strategy for the Week:
Feedback-Fishing: What it is: A simple strategy for getting to the truth of what others think. How to use it: When you want people’s honest opinions, first ask them what they think– Subscribe to learn more. . .
Giving Hones Feedback: 1. Find something to praise, and make that the FIRST part of the sentence. 2. Change the “YOU” to “I” or “WE.” 3. . . Subscribe to learn more. . .
Danger and Power Phrases for the Week–At Work:
Danger Phrase: “What do you think?”
Danger Phrase: “I’m not going to apologize for. . . .”
Danger Phrase: “I’m no expert.”
Danger Phrase: “I was just doing my job.”
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Difficult People Strategies for the Week:
The “But” Rebuttal: What it is: A strategy for dealing with people who say, “But . . .” when you give instructions, feedback, or an answer they don’t like. How to use it: When you give feedback, instructions, or answers that are met with, “But . . . ,” simply reply using this simple two-step process: Subscribe to learn more. . .
Communication Principle of the Week:
There is no neutrality in the universe.
HOW TO IMPLEMENT THIS PRINCIPLE: Remember that when we are at work or at home, there is no such thing as being neutral. We’ve talked before about how there is negative energy and positive energy; there is no neutral energy.
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LESSON 23
Dealing with Difficult People Strategy for the Week:
The Magic Mirror: What it is: A strategy used to address passive-aggressive behavior and train the other person that this type of communication does not work with you. What to Do: When someone says something to you that’s aggressive, but the person speaking is not being up-front about it, simply use this three-step process: Subscribe to learn more. . .
Danger and Power Phrases for the Week–At Work:
Danger Phrases: “Strange/Weird/Funny”
Danger Phrase: “Normal”
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Danger and Power Phrases for the Week–At Home:
Danger Phrase: “Because (something outside of my influence). . .”
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Free-Style Scripting Strategy for the Week:
The 10-Step Conflict-Resolver: What it is: Use this strategy when communication has broken down and you need to get it back on track. This script is designed for two-way conversations rather than a simple one-way message. How to use it: Use these 10 lead-in lines as a general guide to frame your conversation. Subscribe to learn more. . .
Communication Principle of the Week:
Master teachers are all around you. But you have to agree to receive the lesson.
HOW TO IMPLEMENT THIS PRINCIPLE: I received a question from a student asking me something like this: “Dan, I work in an administrative office, and I deal with patients who don’t listen to a word I say, and don’t care what I have to say. Then, once they must to do something I told them about, they come back and ask me questions that I have already answered, but they weren’t listening, so they didn’t hear me. What am I supposed to do? How can I get them to listen to me the first time around?”
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LESSON 24
Professional Communication Strategy for the Week:
Meeting Rules:
1 Make sure you really need a meeting before scheduling it.
2. Every meeting should have a purpose.
3. Do not schedule more time than you need.
4. Start on time. End on time.
5. Only invite the people who absolutely need to be there.
6. Every meeting should have someone clearly assigned ahead of time to run it.
And many more–Subscribe to learn more. . .
Difficult People Strategy for the Week:
The Constant Critic: Who is the constant critic? The constant critic feels as though it’s his or her job to find fault in things others do/create/accomplish. They are always looking for something to criticize. The good news? We all need honest criticism, and constant critics are generally critical because they care, and are normally invested in whatever it is they are criticizing. Subscribe to learn more. . .
Mail Call Question for the Week:
Question:
I am 23 years old and have been raised by my grandparents since i was 6. My grandfather has been a major influence …. –My question to you is: How can I successfully communicate a disagreement with him during this time of the night–when he is drunk– without it ending in me feeling like I am lower than dirt? Communication is the greatest tool in any relationship and it hurts me to know that I lose it with him every night around 7 pm (and it’s even worse on his days off ). What are some “magic phrases” that I can use to talk to him during this state so that he doesn’t get verbally aggressive? Subscribe to learn more. . .
Communication Principle of the Week:
Sometimes you need to say it out loud.
HOW TO IMPLEMENT THIS PRINCIPLE: We’ve all done it–said something out of anger or frustration–and hurt someone. And the moment the words leave our mouths we realize that what we said is ridiculous–and we didn’t mean it.. Unfortunately, whatever is inside of us–whatever we’re thinking–generally comes out one way or another.
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LESSON 25
Professional Communication Strategy for the Week:
Expert Image Creation: 101: Remember, you can create an expert image in your primary business field or in regard to a personal endeavor or hobby that has captivated you. You can be an engineer who is also an expert in hunting, fishing, or scuba diving–and your YouTube video might highlight the latter skills. You can be the CEO of a company who has mastered the art of quilting or photography. Whatever your field(s) of expertise–you can create an expert imagine on YouTube. Subscribe to learn more. . .
Style-Stepping Strategy for the Week:
Teach People in the Manner They want to be Taught: What it is: A strategy that utilizes the basics of N-L-P (Neuro-Linguistic-Programming) to help you speak the language of those you are training or teaching, and teach them in the way they prefer to be taught. How to use it:
STEP 1: Listen to the verbal patterns of others until you can identify either an auditory, visual, or kinesthetic verbal pattern. Subscribe to learn more. . .
Mail Call Question for the Week:
Question: Dear Dan: . . . I have to give the most important presentation of my life. Can you give me some tips for not looking scripted, and for emphasizing key points? -Peter
Keys: Script only your opening and closing lines, but DO script those! And much more! Subscribe to learn more. . .
Communication Principle of the Week:
Authenticity is the key.
HOW TO IMPLEMENT THIS PRINCIPLE: We talk a lot in these lessons about the importance of choosing your words wisely and being a polished communicator. Being polished and being authentic are not mutually exclusive when it comes to communication. In fact, being polished helps you become more authentic because one benefit of being polished is that you are able to more effortlessly articulate your thoughts.
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LESSON 26
Public Speaking Strategies for the Week:
The Introduction 2-Step: What it is: A way to open a presentation with power, confidence and credibility. What do to: Follow these two simple steps:
1. Have someone else introduce you
2. Start with an eye-opening statistic
DO NOT tell a joke
DO NOT say “good morning”
DO NOT “introduce” yourself
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The “Questions” Solution–Don’t just tell participants to hold their questions until the end; give them instructions and a benefit statement. For example: So I can make best use of your time, when you have a question, please write it down, and ask it during the question and answer section–at the end. That way, your question can get my full attention while keeping things on track for you as well. Subscribe to learn more. . .
Persuasion Strategy for the Week:
The Key to Gaining Buy-In: What it is: Use this strategy when you need to make a change at work or at home, and you need people to be as receptive as possible, and “buy into” the change. What to do: The key to gaining buy-in for change all comes down to one simple principle: Bonus: Your children will be amazed that you included them–and you’ll be amazed at how positive their reaction will be when you do! Subscribe to learn more. . .
Mail Call Question for the Week:
Question:
Dear Dan: Say for example if you have a disagreement with someone and you distrust them, how do you portray that distrust you have in them through your communication without offending them?
-Rusty.
Dear Rusty, There is no way to tell someone you don’t trust them without offending them! That said, why would you find it necessary to do so? Subscribe to learn more. . .
Communication Principle of the Week:
You don’t have to create the solution; you have to find it.
HOW TO IMPLEMENT THIS PRINCIPLE: It has been said that the moment the universe seems to go off track, at that very moment, the process of self-correction starts taking place. Many times when we are facing our challenges, we drive ourselves crazy trying to come up with a solution, when instead, sometimes what we need to do is simply calm ourselves and be open to the solution that has already been created for us.
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LESSON 27
Romantic Communication Strategy for the Week:
Phenylethylamine (or PEA) Releasing 101: To release PEA in a man’s brain: Deliver the the “Toddler Touchy-Talk” using these two steps: . . . . To release PEA in a woman’s brain: Deliver the the “sticky eyes with the pivot and lean” using these two steps: . . . . Subscribe to learn more. . .
Romantic Body Language Strategy for the Week:
Haptics, or communicating through touch, is one of the quickest ways to form a bond with someone.
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Danger/Power Phrases for the Week at Home:
Danger Phrase: “I don’t care. . . ” Power Phrase– “. . .isn’t as important to me as. . . .”
Generally when someone says “I don’t care” he/she does NOT mean to say that. Saying “I don’t care” can be a flippant response meaning “I don’t want to talk about it anymore,” or “I’m frustrated” or “I care but I’m not certain YOU do.”
Danger Phrase: “But I_________ for you.
There is no corresponding power phrase for this; “But I_________ FOR YOU” should be eliminated totally, because it is not true. We always have our own underlying agenda for doing what we do, so why tell someone your are doing such-and-such FOR THEM
Super Danger Phrase–“I ‘sacrificed’ for you.” How many of us have heard this said, and have heard the response: “Who asked you to do that?”
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Communication Principle of the Week:
Transform the Fear by Bringing it to Light.
HOW TO IMPLEMENT THIS PRINCIPLE: Men fear that their partner or potential partner will laugh at them or see them as foolish. Women fear that their partner will harm, or even kill them. Watch the video for elaboration on this startling point. This week, I’d like you to keep this fear in mind, and if you’re in a relationship with a man, make him feel supported, and give him the sense that not only will you never laugh at him, but you will support him through his greatest failures, because in your eyes, he will only be seen as the hero you believe him to be. If you’re with a woman. . . .
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LESSON 28
Professional Communication Strategy for the Week:
The POWER of the Preposition: If you’d like to be seen as having an extraordinary command of the English language, part of your development must include learning how to properly identify, structure, and use prepositional phrases. . . . Some of the most common mistakes people make when speaking or writing involve prepositions. Try to remove these errors from your speech and writing patterns: Subscribe to learn more. . .Danger/Power Phrases for the Week at Home:
Danger Phrase: “different than” Power phrase–“different from”
Danger Phrase: “My bad.” This is child-speak,
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Danger/Power Phrases for the Week at Work:
Danger Phrases: “Yes, Sure, OK” as customer service or workplace answers. Compare with Power Phrases “It would be my pleasure” or “I’d be happy to. . . .”
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Difficult People Strategy for the Week:
The Assertive Passive Voice: What it is: A powerful way to focus on specific behavior rather than people . . . . How it works–Active vs. Passive Voice: Subscribe to learn more. . .
Communication Principle of the Week:
We need to take time to sharpen the saw.
HOW TO IMPLEMENT THIS PRINCIPLE: Habit number seven of “The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People” by Dr. Stephen Covey is simply, “Sharpen the Saw.” What this means to us as savvy communicators is–
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LESSON 29
Persuasion Strategy for the Week:
The Fear Factor: What it is: People are much more likely to take action or make a decision based on fear of loss rather than hope of gain. Subscribe to learn more. . .
Ask Dan Question for the Week:
Dear Dan:
My boss has told me that when I say no in an email, I’m too harsh. I don’t know what to say differently, especially because she likes to pressure me to do things that I JUST CAN’T do, and I have no choice but to say no. How can I soften the no in an email so I’m not getting yelled at by my boss?
-Leann
Dear Leann:
Try the 3-step lead-in-line process we discussed in a previous lesson, which is:
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Professional Communication Strategy for the Week:
The Convincing Question: What it is: The theory that your point will be better understood if you ask questions while making that point. How to use it: When you’re engaging in persuasive communication. . . . Using closed-ended, tag, and open-ended questions. . . .
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Communication Principle of the Week:
Time is the coin of your life.
HOW TO IMPLEMENT THIS PRINCIPLE: Carl Sandburg once wrote: “Time is the coin of your life. It is the only coin you have, and only you can determine how it will be spent. Be careful lest you let other people spend it for you.”
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LESSON 30
Professional Communication Strategy for the Week:
Reference the Future: What it is: A strategy used to set up conversations in a way that opens the lines of communication and slows down self-talk in the person to whom you’re delivering the message.
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Ask Dan Question for the Week:
Dear Dan:
Can you help me with responding to rude/immature criticism from a superior? I would like to find a nice and professional way to suggest more professional communication. Or should I just focus on correcting what is being criticized?
Thanks!
Esteban
Hi Esteban!
I have two suggestions for you:
First: Use the two-step magic mirror process, where you:
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Dealing with Difficult People Strategy for the Week:
Judge the Judge: What it is: A strategy used to address “The Judge,” or someone exhibiting judgmental behavior. We all know who this person is–the one who is a constant critic, when no one asked for an evaluation in the first place! Subscribe to learn more. . .
Communication Principle of the Week:
Once is about them; thrice is about you.
HOW TO IMPLEMENT THIS PRINCIPLE: We’ve talked frequently about how the way we communicate is all about us, and how others communicate is all about them. That said, we have also talked about how we train people how to treat us, and people treat us the way we allow them to treat us.
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LESSON 31
Dealing with Difficult People Strategy for the Week:
The Meddler: What it is: A strategy used to set boundaries for people who meddle in your life, and/or the decisions you make. What to Do: When you have identified someone as a “Meddler,” and you’d like their meddling to stop, use this simple 3-step process:
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Power Phrases for the Week:
Power Phrase: “I understand.”
When someone tells you something new, criticizes you, or tells you something of great importance, a simple, “I understand” is frequently the most powerful thing you can say. Don’t elaborate unless necessary.
Power Phrase: “You can count on me.”
Power Phrase: “I was embarrassed.”
Power Phrase: “I was ashamed.”
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Professional Communication Strategy for the Week:
Break It Into 3’s Please: What it is: A strategy used to help people understand, process and retain information more effectively. . . . Bonus: When memorizing anything–try breaking the information into sets, and you’ll find
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Communication Principle of the Week:
How you are when you’re with someone is not as revealing
as how you are as you leave that person.
HOW TO IMPLEMENT THIS PRINCIPLE: It’s easy to be good to people who are in our good graces. It’s easy to show up at a job we love, and easy to be kind to a world that is showing us kindness. When we are in ideal situations, our behavior is sometimes more reflective of our situation than of our true self.
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LESSON 32
Navigational Communication Strategy for the Week:
The Stop, Drop, & Roll: What it is: A strategy used to de-escalate a conversation that has become heated. How to do it: STOP: To stop a conversation from further escalating, you can:
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Ask Dan Email Question for the Week:
Dear Dan:
My question for you today is when, say in a social setting, you encounter individuals who you have met in the past before but have not been formally introduced. I seem to get this often where we might both recognize each other’s faces. Perhaps we have seen each other on more than one occasion. I get a very awkward sensation and I have trouble getting past it. . . . Tony
Hi Tony! Remember these tips:
-Watch your body language-shoulders back, stand up straight. Slouching is a sure sign that you lack confidence. Conversely, if you stand straight you’ll project confidence, and you’ll begin to actually feel more confident too.
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Team-Building Strategy for the Week:
Release the Bonding Hormone: Making oxytosin work for you–What it is: Oxytosin is the chemical the brain releases that causes us to feel affection, tenderness, closeness and even love towards another person.
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Communication Principle of the Week:
The better someone feels when they are around you, the more power you both have.
HOW TO IMPLEMENT THIS PRINCIPLE: Depending on your personality type, it might not come naturally to you to be ingratiating, or to try and make those around you feel good just for the sake of doing so. In fact, some people think doing so would make them somehow disingenuous. If you think this way, I’d like you to open yourself up to new possibilities this week.
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LESSON 33
Persuasion Strategy for the Week Part 1:
Remember the Call For Action: What it is: When asking people do to things, or take action, we often neglect to tell our listener how to take action. . . . BONUS EXAMPLE: Parents sometimes become upset with the behavior of their children. If you find yourself in that situation, after presenting your arguments for your position, give your child concrete steps that will result in behavioral change. It’s not enough to say “You play too many video games. They are not good for you.”
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Persuasion Strategy for the Week Part 2:
The ABC’s of the Argument: What it is: A simple strategy used to increase the odds of getting people to buy into your argument, and take subsequent action. How to do it: When presenting your argument, use this simple, three-step free-style script to help you frame your thoughts in a compelling way:
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Powerful Communication Strategy for the Week:
Punch-Packers: What they do: Punch-packers are enhancers you can use to add more power and pizzaz to your message, thus increasing the impact you have when you deliver it. What they are: There are many punch-packers you’ll learn about in these lessons. The two you’ll be learning about today are:
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Communication Principle of the Week:
Do not let technology surpass your human interaction.
HOW TO IMPLEMENT THIS PRINCIPLE: There is a quote circulating on the social media sites that states: “I fear the day that technology will surpass our human interaction. The world will have a generation of idiots.” This quote has been attributed to Einstein, but according to quoteinvestigator.com, Einstein did not in fact say this–but I’ll bet he’d agree with it!
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LESSONS 34-50
Lessons 34-50 make up the “amplify and apply” section of the course. During these lessons, Dan takes what you have learned in lessons 1-33 and amplifies on how to apply these strategies in a variety of situations, and how to do it in new, creative ways.
This section expands on many of the strategies and ideas taught in lessons 1-33, but does not summarize or review all of the lessons. To ensure you get the most out of this course, and understand all of what will be taught in the amplify and apply section, it is necessary to take lessons 1-33 before moving to this section; Lessons 34-50 do not constitute a complete, stand-alone course.
Lesson 34 amplifies and applies lessons 1 and 2
Lesson 35 amplifies and applies lessons 3 and 4
Lesson 36 amplifies and applies lessons 5 and 6
Lesson 37 amplifies and applies lessons 7 and 8
Lesson 38 amplifies and applies lessons 9 and 10
Lesson 39 amplifies and applies lessons 11 and 12
Lesson 40 amplifies and applies lessons 13 and 14
Lesson 41 amplifies and applies lessons 15 and 17
Lesson 42 amplifies and applies lessons 18 and 21
Lesson 43 amplifies and applies lessons 22 and 24
Lesson 44 amplifies and applies lessons 25 and 26
Lesson 46 amplifies and applies lessons 27 and 28
Lesson 47 amplifies and applies lessons 29 and 30
Lesson 49 amplifies and applies lessons 31 and 32
Lesson 50 amplifies and applies lessons 33 and 34
FEEL INVISIBLE, DISRESPECTED, OR DISMISSEDâWithout Asking You to Change Who You Are.
